I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
