i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
