Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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