you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
