I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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