You really coming over, don't trick.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
