Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
