I just saw a hot homeless man
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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