Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
