You don't have asthma, your pregnant
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
