tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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