Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
