I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
