I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
