i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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