You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
