Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
