You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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