i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
