Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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