Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
