Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
