just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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