she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
