Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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