So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
