Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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