In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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