the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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