I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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