I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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