absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
