Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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