the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
