Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
