Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Is Oprah even human
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
