after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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