just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
