I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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