bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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