He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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