I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
