apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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