Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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