Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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