I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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