We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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