Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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