i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
