I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
