i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
