Heybabeimwearingurpanties
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
