what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
