dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
PANTIES FOUND
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