She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
and you fell through a lawn chair
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
