I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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