some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
3pm strippers are depressing
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
