Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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