Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
