Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
